They say “the sweet is never as sweet without the sour,” and isn’t that the truth? And an obligatory Vanilla Sky reference. I think I have dated every mama’s boy, commitment-phobe and anti-monogamist within a 130 mile radius!
From my own hellacious experiences I have learned some very important lessons when it comes to relationships and dating. By no means am I an expert or dating guru, but I have gathered (the hard way) some valuable tid-bits and I thought it might be nice to pass along for those that have yet to meet the love of their life.
Commitment isn’t a dirty word. If they aren’t committing to you within a reasonable time period, then there is a problem. Please read the book He’s Just Not That Into You as soon as humanly possible. When you are into a person, the thought of them being with someone else can make you somewhat queasy. If a person is really into you, then they aren’t going to want to share you, bottom line. Don’t let yourself be dragged along either, set clear limits.
Have the tough conversations. Ask questions and really get to know someone before taking the plunge. Where do they stand on marriage? On kids? Are they a saver or spender? What do they really value – money, religion, family? If you don’t get this information up front, you will be in big trouble down the line. I am not saying on a first date go in for the kill, but sooner rather than later.
Egotists, Sociopaths and Mama’s boys, steer clear. It is like seeing a bear in the wild, it might seem interesting at first, almost beautiful, but it will quickly turn ugly. Run and never look back. Kind, genuine, caring, giving souls are out there, you may just need to weed through some other types before you get to one!
The keepers will let you be you. They won’t tell you how to dress or what to say. They won’t tell you that “hungry is happy” and how skinny you should be (yes, I was told this). They won’t demean you and make you feel inadequate for any reason. A keeper will bring out the best in you, lift you up and let you shine.
If you think they are cheating, they probably are. I have been cheated on more times than I’d like to admit. What do these past experiences all have in common? My female intuition screaming in my brain confirming my suspicion. With that said, you don’t want to be in relationship where you are suspicious and worried all the time. That can turn any sane person into a raving lunatic. If they really love you, they won’t make you question their devotion. Period.
The super-attractive ones are usually the jerks. This is a sweeping generalization but from my experiences and 32 years on the planet, it is absolutely true. If you need more evidence then my personal experience, please reference every rom-com ever made. Thanks.
You’ve got to give a little and be patient. I hear and see a lot of women/men who have a list a mile long of what they want. I am all about standards and not settling, but just know that it may take longer – ’cause really how many single, 6’4″, dark haired, blue-eyed, doctors are out there? It may not be delivered in the exact package you want, but that is okay. A good heart is what matters, keep that at the top of the list.
We are all imperfect beings. We all have imperfections, fears, habits, quirks, etc. When you realize this it can making finding the one easier. He or she won’t be perfect, but they will be loving and kind.
The one for you is out there. You may meet every ding-bat this side of the Mississippi, but don’t give up. He or she is out there and these things take time. The minute you stop looking is when you will find exactly what you are looking for. Patience, my dears!