Believe it or not, I am a completely different person now in my thirties then I was in my early twenties (there are some unabashed fashion mishaps and notebooks full of poetry to prove it). People grow, evolve and become newly aware that they can actually decided who they want to spend their time with – what a concept! Friendship is a conscious choice, you can pick someone who shares common interests, values and who makes you laugh (not just giggles, but almost offensive-type snorting where you can’t breathe)! Those are the people who make your life better.
The evolution of friendships can go many ways, for example it could evolve into something life-changing, a relationship which makes you better and grows you as a person or it can be tainted by increased emotional space, lack of understanding and no common ground. The light can fizzle out, but each can move on!
My personal experience happened about two years ago, where I had grown out of old friendships – women who were all about appearances, gossiping, going out incessantly and letting people (especially men) mistreat them. Some friendships in my circle became very one-sided, judgmental and superficial. Grounded in faith, I knew the universe had a plan for me and I needed to be surrounded by uplifting, giving, driven, passionate, funny, creative minds – not just a slew of pretty girls.
You may have known people who were fun and carefree at 20, but at 30, they may no longer have the qualities you need or desire in a friendship. This is completely okay. Don’t keep relationships (of any kind) out of habit, guilt, or obligation. Your life deserves so much more.
Without question, toxic friendships should not be granted any space in your life. As a mature woman I don’t let any boundaries keep me from finding interesting people. In the same regard, I do not give myself any allowance to be around those who don’t make me unequivocally better as a human being. People who make you feel less than are not friends, you will know right away who is in your corner and who isn’t (trust your gut).
Ending unhealthy relationships is a skill you will acquire as you get older, some learn sooner than others. As an adult, you know that time is precious and it need not be wasted, not even for one single second.
Quality friendships can be rare. A number you can count on one hand rare, yet those are the ones that are important and will give you the most joy in life. To the women who I call my friends: thank you for loving me unconditionally and without limits, thank you for making me laugh ’til I cry, thank you for making me a better human being and thank you for being incredible and inspiring in your own unique ways.